are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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