my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
