My hand turned me down
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
