Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i think i just lost a toe
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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