is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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