it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
