I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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