We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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