pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
