im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
