He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
