Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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