i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
