thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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