If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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