I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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