I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
