Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
