At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
