I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
