we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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