He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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