I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish my penis had a tongue
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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