They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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