And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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