At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
