i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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