just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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