I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
