Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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