Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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