I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
