I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
