So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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