I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
