i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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