I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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