you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
