If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
