shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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