we're blogging at a bar
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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