If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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