Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
