my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
