He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
