Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
