ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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