This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is