If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip