If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"