I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Couch. On fire.