White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done