either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?