guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
