If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
