His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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