after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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