I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
