So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
