I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
