thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
