when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
