I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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