shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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