She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
