my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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