All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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