Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
