I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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