Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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