The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want to fling myself into the sun
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
