I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
