Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
