the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
