I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
