Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
is it fun? or sober?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
