Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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