i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
