I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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