I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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