I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
